Good Things VS "The" Bad Thing

No, I did not copy this from anywhere else. Just read it. Pictures will be placed at the bottom of the post because I have to get something important off my mind.

Life is not easy. It is about making the best decisions. Maybe not the right ones but at least they don't come back and bite you in the ass. If someone tells you life is an easy game, they're lying. For every decision you make comes results. And for every action you take comes effects. And aftermaths. And consequences.

Consequences. This is such a assertive word, don't you think? Consequences are never really escapable. It is th outcome of what you have done. They say do the right thing and you'll face less consequences. I don't remember how we "do the right thing". Who decides what is right and wrong? When I was little I knew it was wrong to lie. When I've grown up as I am now I know lying is not just about deceiving people. It's about covering up your ass. It's protection. And all of us need a little bit of protection some times. And then there's consequences. Talk about your karma.

There is little our parents tell us about the world when we were small. Toddlers have no sense of how dangerous their future might become. We can't blame them. We wouldn't understand anyway. I wouldn't. If my mother told me, be good to others so they will be nice to you too, I'd take it. If she said, never do bad things or you'll land in hell, I'd take that. If she said, don't talk to the bitch in class cos she's just gonna be a bad person to you in return, I would wonder why. And luckily, my mom didn't say anything about bitches. And so there wasn't any back when I was little. Everything was just clouds and chocolate bars and toys and more chocolate bars. No bitches. No jerks. Nada. Zilch. There was only the good and the bad. And they weren't too hard to be define which is which.

Growing up must have been joyful. But I don't really remember all the good stuff. The bad things that happened, however, stay within the memory. No one knows why the human mind remembers bad things better than good ones. But it's undeniable. The way I perceive it? We do remember. It's just that the good things make us feel good. The bad things make us feel bad. And by human nature, most of us wouldn't like to feel bad. And so we remember. The good, the bad, they all happened to us. We just remember the bad better because, well, it's bad.

I don't remember a lot of bad things. Call me a hypocrite. But I like to remember the small things. The ones that make the heart goes warm for a split second and you sigh and say, "whoa, great times, awesome people". I try not to be too pessimistic, I think a lot of us do that once in a while. Reassuring ourselves that life is just not as bad as it may seem.

You must be wondering why I'm typing this load of whatever-you-wanna-call-it. Well, while it's kinda obvious that something is bothering me, you wouldn't find out if I don't spill. I know it's none of your business and you can probably stop here if you want to. We both know you have better things to do.

It's my dad. He found out about my sexual orientation. And it's the first time I saw him look so sad. It was not disappointment. It was not disgrace. It was just sorrow. One that I know will never be cured. Not this time.

He asked me why. Why. WHY!? Tell me, GOD, why!? I couldn't answer him. I don't know. I really don't. You would think that I'm happy the way things are. But don't you think I want to be just like the others too sometimes? Being what I am now is a burden. One that I can't bear for the rest of my life, knowing that this burden hurts the ones I love.

"Do you know how sad mom would fee if she found out about this?"
"Didn't I always tell you? We are always here for you."
"You were such a normal boy. What happened to you?"
"Do you know how hard we work just to get you into college? Just to ensure that you'll have a better life? We do not do that for ourselves. We do it for you."
"We love you so much, why do you be just like the others?"

There was no accusation in his voice. I believe he had been thinking it through since he saw the porn in my computer. There wasn't anger or disbelief. There was just sadness and the need to know what went wrong. And there was none. Dad was awesome. He still is. So yes, GOD, do tell me why I like men over girls. Do tell me why.

I feel so dirty sometimes. I feel like such a loser to bring my parents down. Even though my mom doesn't know and my dad didn't look as if he had any interest in sharing the news that the son she is proudest of would not be bringing her home a girl, one day she will sense that something is wrong. I know this day will happen sooner or later. I just wished it wouldn't be this difficult. I don't want to disappoint. But I know I will.

The other day I woke up with a raging hardon and I said to myself, "gosh I haven't had sex in almost half a year". And call me crazy but I actually had the urge to just go fuck someone random. Fortunately, it was just an urge.

Urges can be fun. They come on different sizes. Bigger ones demand attention while smaller urges can be simply laughed off and wiped off the upper left corner of your brain. I don't call myself a person with too brilliant of a mind, so I never kept track of how many bigger urges I have in life compared to small and seemingly useless ones. But I think the sexual urge I hadin the morning was pretty self explanatory.

I used to, still do sometimes, have the urge of becoming someone popular. Like some sort of celebrity. I actually have no idea where that come from. I mean, I know I'm not good looking. That's established since I hit puberty. It's just that I like performing, being on stage give me the power I want. The power to influence the people looking at you. Being able to influence is being powerful. And information is power. And knowledge is information. But that's not the reason I came to college. I just like communication studies.

And oh, you know why I don't want to be famous? Because I know what I would do. I would probably fuck around with different people. I love fucking around. I mean, I love the idea of it. But you can't do that when the media has it's eyes laid on your ass. And I mean it literally.

I know. I'm a million contradictions. Sometimes I make no sense. But it's life, you can't just sit around a figure everything out. I like going out. But let's just stop there.

And you know what, blogging does help.

Well, here are the pictures from the past few weeks. I know, finally, right?

First of all, sending all my -belated- birthday love to these three pretty girls. Shivani turned 19 on 15th May, Jackie turned 22 on 16th, and Andre turned 22 on 22nd. Happy Birthday~!

Shivani better puts off that thing fast
or it's gonna put her whole face off lol.

Ms Jackie proves to be a very, very
tiny-framed counsellor. Seriously, the cup was
NOT that far from her face.

Andre looked gorgeous in college that day.
Well, thanks to the necklace I bought her!
Muahahahah! Love this gurl!

Here's one for you guys to download.

And here's another one. Although, Benjamin, you
can at least look happy little but after getting
your hair done professionally!

Ms Sharmila teaches us with ease.
She is SUCH a pro.

Another night at La Queen was even more fun than the first. Divya joined us this time and I'm sure she had a huge blast. There was bubbles shooting out from the ceilings and free condom and lubricants and drag queens and ultra hot mat sallehs and bootylicious leather dancers with S&M whips and guys who grabbed asses and a guy who looked like Edric but WAY hotter and guys with pacs on their abs more than you can count with a single hand and guys kissing and guys grinding and guys making out in the toilet and guys shoving their tongues down Kevin's throat and sweaty musclemen kissing Adele and Divya ang white girls in bikinis and hot couples displaying affection and oh my god I saw the hottest men in my life ever but he had a boyfriend! And I was already too tired kissing the bunch of strangers. It's kinda weird the intimacy the force upon you like you're best friends or something when I clearly have no idea who the hell they are. Gawd. We're definitely going there again.

Call me insane but Jeanie reminds me off a cat
in this picture. Worst part is, she reminds
me of Sam's cat! Meeowww bitches!

(Kevin in Desktop Publishing class)
-Picture taken by Marianne-

Kevin and Kathy. Wow. One year in college.
Talk about the wear and tear.

That's all folks. Thanks for checking in to Unchamories once in a while. I am really flattered that you guys actually like it. And Edric, I think you typed more word than I did. But I'm not counting so.. Yeah, love you peeps. Enjoy your mid-term break y'all =)